We're playing house. Shut up.

"Oh, hey. How are you?"
"Good. You?
"Good." Conversation over.
Man, that small talk gets old. It's not that I don't want to schmooze everyone I'd just like a better medium, that's all. I am trying to eliminate that prerequisite ice breaker. A lot of it is that it just seems like people are bouncing that question around for reassurance. Like, "I want to hear that you're well, tell me you're well so I can get on with my day." A lot of the time even if I'm not bad I just don't care to answer that question. Some people are genuinely curious to know but a lot of the time it's just difficult to give a superficial negative answer and keep it short. There isn't enough sit down time for me to pour my heart out to randoms, and more often than not people don't want to hear that—no one benefits. I might even be interested in how others are doing but I figure I'll gather that from body language and conversational cues. Other pleasantries are acceptable too, I'm ok with the residents at the retirement community talking about the weather; I understand that becomes a greater concern later in life. This is only a minor grievance that I'm gaining a lot of headway in lately. I'm just so often disinterested in the well-being question. Moving on.
Good news: I'm not depressed. Far from it actually! Though I imagine I'm still something of a depressive. I'm just blank. I'm busy. I like it. I think I'm coming out of a phase of taciturnity—I needed an excuse to use that word. I'm not paralyzed by some silence, however I'm still normally quiet. Now my silence is more of a disinterest, a lack of something worth saying. Who needs filler conversation? Not me, not all the time.
On the way to work, be it in the bus or my mother's car, often I am still sleepy. In these sleepy states I daydream getting fired upon arrival, it seems like such a satisfying option in my head. I wish for termination in lieu of a day's work. But in all reality it'd sadden me a lot, it's just weird how surreal work and life in general are to me. I still think everything's inconsequential, which isn't wholly true. All the consequence is mine, and in some other reality I might not have anyone to fall back on.
Onto the epiphany I had which might lack profundity. Anyway, at work sometime this past month I just thought of everybody in their adult life as playing house, like this! "Well, you can't be that person because person A is being that person, you have to be this person right now." In the workplace I can't be a host, because there is already a host, I have to be a dishwasher because they need dishes washed. In the workplace I'm fine with this and completely understand, though I would like to know how to be everybody. And yes, eventually I want to have a different job. In life, despite the practicality of filling the roles needed, I don't like it. I want to be free to roam. (Is that selfish?) I'm not really free as it is anyway, so I might as well've got the upper hand when I had the chance, chased the dreams with the most reward. I'm getting off topic. I just like to think of everybody as abstractions. Someone identifies them self as a thug, so they act in such a way to fill the role, not really being them self, whoever that may be—a cook. I'm all for leading multiple lives, maybe people are as hard as they say they are, but more likely than not it's a farce—a mockery. Or maybe even people act out a role to fulfill certain expectations they think others have of them, expectations they themselves project subconsciously. I'm always thinking of life as if it's a game or something; never real. I have no idea why I do this, at least no complete understanding. It probably has something to do with my escapist mindset. I'm a flighty one.
I'm excited that I've managed to get back into going to shows—about twice a month now. Still on music: I'm primarily excited about two upcoming releases. First and foremost Circa Survive's new album, which has a lot of titles that didn't make the cut, but no release date or final title. I'm hoping it comes out sometime before this year is up. They're halfway through guitar tracking now so I think that's a realistic expectation. (I know this because Twitter.com knows this, not because I have inside information.) Oh yeah, and guitar tracking is the last stage of tracking, they did drums first, then bass, then vocals, now guitar. The other release I look forward to is Converge's "Axe to Fall" the two songs they've released sound pretty awesome, both have corny lyrics. I'm sure it'll be good, they're pretty consistent. Otherwise I've been listening to "Deflorate" a lot, got to love nerd metal. Also a lot of Terror and The Postal Service, those are kind of random throwbacks.
Ok speaking of Terror, Converge, and The Black Dahlia Murder does anybody want to hear about my second tattoo idea, and the new addition I am considering?! I'm going to assume the answer to that question is no. Otherwise, talk to me. Below is the most recent studio update from Circa Survive, it's mostly just Anthony being all acoustic-y, but I recommend checking out their other updates. Godspeed!