Mercy Killings and Godsends

Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year are drawing nigh. There's a party at my house this Saturday. I go back and forth between being excited to see people and preferring to keep to myself. I'd like to meet the love of my life but I tire of others, their behavior seems to me dishonest, slutty, or maybe just plain promiscuous. I'm ok being cut out, I prefer it to the inclusion of myself into peoples' melodramas and egos.

Recently I learned that blog stands for Web Log. That's cool. I've probably been told that before. As usual I'm confused about how to type things I've set out to type. Instead I'll start with a story.

This past [Super bowl] Sunday I got into an accident with my mom's car. I have to borrow my mom's car every other weekend in order to make it out to family dinner. Family dinner is held weekly. I go bi-monthly, that's just how rides work out best. Anyway, I was driving my mom's car to work and in this intersection that's on the middle of a hill I couldn't slow down enough to merge into the lane traffic was sifting into, so I tried instead to turn right. Once again I couldn't decelerate enough on that icy decline to control the car efficiently. I drifted into someone that had already been hit in this intersection, nearly hitting this pedestrian that was trying to check up on the driver of that car. There was very minor damage done to my mom's car; the front left fender is dented and the back left tail light is cracked in places. But I guess the alignment might be off too. I just dented the other person's car door. The deductible for repairs on my mother's car is $500--I'll be responsible for that. And in addition to that my mom's rates might go up, and I have no idea whether mine will be effected or not. My rates don't matter much to me because I mostly use public transportation and don't intend on driving anytime soon. I hate the feeling that any money I save up is spent almost exclusively on my future mistakes. It's ridiculous how careful one has to be in order to avoid wasting money. I lost a pair of prescription sunglasses, that's like 100 something dollars gone. It deeply bothers me how much money matters and I'm well beyond thinking money does not matter. The other day a friend of a friend said everyone's so materialistic and greed driven in America; I'm not sure to what degree she--or anyone else who says that--is right. The consumerism bothers me sometimes but most of us are a part of it.

Next paragraph. The United States of Leland reminded me of mercy killing. The movie didn't explicitly feature mercy killing and I wont spoil it for those who haven't seen it. The idea of euthanasia interests me, as well as a person's right to die. Popular thinking is against people intervening with fate, even with that person's consent, it's "the law." Euthanasia is illegal in America as far as I know. I don't really have a stance to espouse on. It just interests me to think that someone could be killed for their own benefit.

A year ago this month I applied for a fast food job and feared the distance between Colorado and myself would come to a premature close. Dusty's sleep schedule was whack and my emotions weren't bothering me.

This is one about a momentary godsend. I met somebody who I've reached an understanding with. I felt confident enough to kiss her at the end of our first hang out. What could've been a one night stand transpired. But no, now I have a new friend. I want us to be like cats to one another, though I think we're treading a thin line. It's comforting to keep a certain kind of company. This person helped me find a path back to myself.

Here's the idea I've had for my next tattoo. I'd like the image of a blackbird's silhouette encircled by blue rings, a man bound and gagged inside, and somewhere strewn about that two different words: miasma and carousels. I want this tattoo on my back left shoulder blade, behind my heart. This tattoo is an homage to a few bands--their words and albums. I've derived a lot of personal meaning from the particular albums and songs that the images and words are from. Being cold-hearted and lost are big themes. The two words are each songs about lost souls, each lyricist has a very different response to feeling lost, Im trying to juxtapose each take. As for the idea of the image, it's just a combination of artwork from two albums. Lyrical themes of the respective albums aside, I feel the image gets across the point; it's dark and indicates the bound and gagged man taking flight. I think there's something to going on, not despite the negative, but with the negative. Maybe it's a bad idea, let me know what you think.

I tell corny jokes when I try to be funny and I repeat a lot of other jokes. For this I do not want courtesy laughter. I do not want courtesy. Come as you are. I'd like to erase the "purely courteous" that seems to be written across my chest. I'm just too much of a reciprocate-er, and I should probably be more of myself in order to find what I'm looking for.


mercy killings and godsends from Herman Mummers on Vimeo.

Bagagaga posted the video part at the bottom. Did you actually read all that shit when you could've watched a 7 minute video? The daylight practically turns me into a sparkling vampire.

File the following under #shinfo
A list of all the music references I know I made in this blog:
Come As You Are-Nirvana
"purely courteous across my chest"-Holding Someone's Hair Back, Circa Survive
Miasma-The Black Dahlia Murder (BG music song 2)
Carousels-mewithoutYou (BG music song 1)
At the Bottom-Brand New (just made use of that phrase unnecessarily)
No Heroes-Converge (album artwork to be modified in potential tattoo)
One With the Underdogs-Terror (album artwork to be modified in potential tattoo)