My Father's Son

One of the things I have in common with my father is the tendency to annoy people I like and feel comfortable with to the point of them being legitimately angry at me. My father recently had a friend of his die. Apparently my dad lost a lot of sleep over it, so I heard from my mom. My father seemed to try to put his friend out of mind to avoid all the ugliness dwelling on it brought upon him. In all of this, the only words I've exchanged with my father were whether he'd heard from his friends' family since last we talked, he hadn't. This to me is a reminder of my inability to be closer with my family. I'm not sure what to make of my father's coping mechanisms, or in how many more ways than one I am like him.

I'm not going to lie by saying I haven't done anything to cope—as if that bullshit didn't bother me. The most extreme example of this was trying to con an ex-girlfriend into a sleep over, to be fair I usually want to sleep with her anyway (and I do mean sleep). I succeeded but I didn't get much degree of comfort out of it. It's a little funny she can't stand me these days. Mainly to cope I just surround myself with friends I love, and occupy my mind with more positive things. It's tasking though, a lot of my friends—no matter how unrelated—caught this contagion from a new found acquaintance of theirs, I've been curing them one by one after being surprised by who all caught it. At least I got to feel heroic for a minute, like I had a purpose. When something bothers me, I get monomaniacal, I hate it. I feel better laughing it off, I'll laugh it all off. I'm over it.

I love the people I surround myself with. I can't help but think about it these days. Everywhere I go there's someone I love for some reason. I can get fucked up on wine, I can stay sober, I can be nonchalant and noncommittal, slightly different things for the lot of them. Point being: I've got friends. I can hang out with them on late nights, I can talk at length on the music we love, on very rare occasions we can sing along to the music we love. I can speak with 'em over the phone for hours. I can discuss books, ideas, movies, anything. These people are my family, coworkers, and above all else my friends. They've been here through the years, despite coming and going, and all changes considered they're still here. We choose who we stick with, and I'm pleased with the results of that. This is a bit ridiculous, but I felt the need to say it. This is one major difference between my father and I, he doesn't socialize much whereas I get obsessed.

So I still have a job, as unfortunate as that sounds it's not all bad I assure you. This job is enabling me to playact an adult. I never intend to mature in certain ways but this is all a lot of exhibition. Though this thing consumes so many hours of my week (38) and then some because of the commute, it's alright. There are hobbies I wish I had more time to pick up, but that's alright. Work is enabling be to: live away from the nest, pretend I care about my education, and buy nice things. It could lead to all sorts of other money related things, which great because everything is money. Everything has a price tag. Worth is measured completely in wealth! It's great. ½ jk. After six months of dishes, they finally promoted me to a full-time server. While this of course is not my passion, I enjoy this. I like my bosses. I have met interesting coworkers. I've gained a friend who without fail will kick it with me while I work, and he bums me so many cigarettes. Work keeps me connected to my mom, I only spend like a half an hour a day with her so I'm forced to actually update her on my life or ask about hers. I'm content with where I work, it doesn't suck.

I'm weirded out that out of all the music I've been listening to lately nothing is my favorite. I've even found some gems. But going to concerts is just sort of a checklist activity for me, if not an attempt to get back into bands I've stopped caring about. I'm still excited about a lot of the upcoming shows, and a lot of albums that are getting released, but it's a safe bet that I won't be blown away by anything. Lame.

MY HAIR IS THINNING. I CAN'T AFFORD ALL THE THINGS I WANT AND STAY WITHIN MY MEANS. A DROID PHONE, AN IPOD TOUCH, AN STD TEST, A NICE CAR, A POCKET WATCH, SOME PIERCINGS AND A NEW TATTOO, A SLEEP NUMBER BED, AND SOME NICE NEW SKINNY PANTS; I WANT IT NOW, DADDY.

“Complain! Complain! Life sucks anyway, if it's all so hard let them take it all away.”-Youth Brigade
It's eerie, I don't hate my life, (not even 1/3 of the time) though I still really like that song. I'm going to have fun with this while it lasts. I feel untouchable, and there's no way I'm letting go of that; aside from all those times I fall in love and get all vulnerable-like. Ughn!